My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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