Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
