if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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