Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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