I am in a vortex of obligation.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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