i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
