everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
