So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
