Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
