OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
