Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
