Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
