can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
