Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
