It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
