How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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