i permit you to call me
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
