Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
