My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
