Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
