the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
