We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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