Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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