Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
as a side note pls kill me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
