he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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