She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
