You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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