just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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