Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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