I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
