Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
