I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
