so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
