That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
