Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
