So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
