my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
