He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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