you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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