I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
