Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
