Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
