im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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