I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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