I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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