We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
