Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
