I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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