My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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