Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
