She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You are a booty call, not a friend.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How does it feel to date your dad?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
