Nicole vs. Life
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
