If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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