why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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